it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
