i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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