I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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