I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize