I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
