i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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