Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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