Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
