he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
