Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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