I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
