I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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