The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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