VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
