remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
