so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize