Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
