When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
