My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
