Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
