My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
