you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
