Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Even my vagina gasped.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize