Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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