I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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