I cockslap morals
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
