i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize