This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
