It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
