omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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