people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
