Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
