Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
