Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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