My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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