your thong is hanging out like whoa
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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