PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
