Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
