I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
