I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
