I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
