hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
