sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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