you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mom said you looked used
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
