I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
