i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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