so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
