I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
