I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
