I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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