your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
