'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hippo gnu deer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
