I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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