This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
