In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
