yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
