how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
