Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
