I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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