so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
