last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
