I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
