I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
