I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
