Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
