coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize