im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
