My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
