When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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