it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
