Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize