watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
