hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
