broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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