it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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