i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
