she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
