I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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