If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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