just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
