The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was so not down for the gang bang
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
