you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
